Father is dying. Please help with advice.

I’m facing one of the darkest times of my life and need some advice.

First, apologies for not thanking those who replied to my other post some days ago… I may get back to that later.

Second, apologies for the length of this. Rather than try to edit it, I’ll just type and hope folks will read – I do appreciate those who read it and comment.

My father has gone from ill (but still up & walking around), to dying of cancer in a drug-induced sleep that he probably won’t wake from, as they are not feeding him anything.

He is in his second marriage, and they own a house worth about $200,000. He also has about $80,000 left over from the sale of his previous property – and a superannuation fund of an unknown amount.

I am the only child. Second wife has a son, who has caused nothing but trouble for them their entire married life. She always forgives him instantly, dad keeps right on hating him. [axe]

Although Dad brought it up many times over the last few years, he is the world’s greatest procrastinator and didn’t have a will. But a few weeks ago, he told us he had finally bought one of those do-it-yourself will kits and filled it in. He said originally he wanted to make it so the second wife could live in the house until she died – and also get about a third of the cash side of his estate. The other two thirds would go to us. Later, when she dies, the house was to pass back to us. (Again, he said he wanted it done this way because Dad hates her son so much, he doesn’t want him to receive a thing of what he worked for all these years.)

But Dad said he couldn’t do it this way now and that he regretted ever putting her name on the property deed when he had sold my childhood home. (Because he realised that because he did this, it meant she would automatically inherit the house in full when he died – and so it would eventually go to her son.) He was totally disgusted in himself over this mistake and said because of this, he had now left everything apart from the house (superannuation, savings, etc.) to my wife, children and I.

A couple of weeks went by and then my entire family caught a virus. He wanted to see us over those two weeks, and we said we’d be there as soon as we were able. (We were concerned if he caught it, it would finish him off.) Then he went into hospital. The medical staff – and other “family” – knew we were sick and were trying to get there.

Monday, his brother (who hates me for some reason, even though he’s not spoken three words to me for the last 20 years, when I was a teenager) arranged for a solicitor and they withdrew medication temporarily to prepare a new will.

(This brother originally confirmed to my wife on the phone that yes, there was a will, but later he changed his story telling us there was not one a will after all and so they needed to make a new one.)

Later that day we went to the hospital with the kids to see dad and found him asleep. We were told by those already there, “We are all waiting for him to wake up.” So we waited – all day – until someone said, “Oh, are you waiting for him to wake up? But he probably *won’t* wake up now because of the medication.”

I didn’t know the medication was keeping him asleep, so I explained to the nurse he had wanted to see us and his grandkids – and how was that going to happen now? She said he was on the medication because he was hallucinating and a danger to himself and others, throwing himself around trying to get out of the hospital. I said to the nurse, if he was capable of filling out legal paperwork earlier that day, then how could that be the case? And if they knew he was going to be put back onto medication, why didn’t someone call us and we would have come in after the signing of the will?

She got the strangest look on her face and said she would get the doctor to come talk to me about it.

The doctor came – along with a social worker (I think she was) – and I repeated the same thing to them both as in the paragraph above. They both looked at each other with a very concerned look on their faces and I asked them… “What’s with that look you both gave each other a moment ago?” They said they were not even aware a will had been prepared. They also said medication was not withdrawn at any time. The doctor then carefully began to read the notes left by medical staff from before and after that time. While he discussed these with us, I also mentioned to the doctor that dad’s brother had rang my mother (dad’s first wife) to find out how to spell my name correctly – because the solicitor couldn’t understand dad’s speech when he spelled it out.

The doctor read out some of the notes. They showed that before AND after Monday morning – that dad had been hallucinating, thrashing around trying to get out of bed.

Originally I was simply asking the doctor if dad would wake up, and should we remove the sedatives so he could talk to the grandkids for the last time, or is it just too late and would be too painful… But I soon realised what he and the social worker were getting at…

They were telling me my dad was in no capable mental state to be signing legal documents. They also said this should have been obvious to the solicitor who should not have gone ahead with it.

Incredulous, I asked them if they were telling me that if the will turned out to be unfairly skewed, would this all mean I have a legal recourse. They emphatically said, “Oh, yes – definitely – he was not in his right mind and so in no fit state to sign a legal document. You’ll be able to request the medical notes and a letter of doctor’s professional opinion.”

Once they left me, they must’ve had a discussion with other staff, as the nurse caught me in the hall. She whispered to me that she could get in trouble for telling me this, but she was the one caring for dad that morning – that she had put him on the toilet because he had asked her to – didn’t go to the toilet – and wasn’t even aware of where he was!

So… I didn’t want to even think about this right now, but there it is.

What I desperately need help with is… If the will is severely biased against us – does anyone know where I begin?

What I mean is, do I need a solicitor? Or should I wait until the will is read, or do they expect you to accept a will and sign something on the spot? Do you need to sign *anything* at the reading of a will!? If I don’t accept it is there some kind of legal time limit – some way I can prevent them from hiding the lot away, while I arrange to contest it? And if I need a solicitor/lawyer/court case, how am I ever going to afford it if we lose?

My goodness, where on earth do I begin.

You see, I’ve had chronic fatigue syndrome for several years and have not been able to work and provide for my family as I so desperately would have liked to. I missed the real estate boom while I struggled to save a deposit, read Steve’s materials, devour information on this site and scour internet sites looking for real estate. I’ve watched the deals disappear over the last few years – always being two steps ahead of where I was.

Now all this has happened and may lose my inheritance as well and I just feel like I’ve failed my family all over again for the umpteeneth time. My wife & kids are asleep in bed and here I sit having thoughts of suicide if it turns out the way it seems it’s going to. Oh, I’ve got brains enough to not do it of course, but still – the thoughts are there.

I always knew she would get the house, but the lot… I don’t know if I could cope.

Probably shared a bit too much there. [blush2] Anyway… Thanks for reading, and thank you for any replies…

Allan.