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  • Profile photo of WylieWylie
    Member
    @wylie
    Join Date: 2004
    Post Count: 346

    I don’t want to offend anybody but I was cleaning out my computer files, and I found this joke which I thought was very funny. In the interests of looking after the health of those on this forum I thought it was imperative I share it because apparently we don’t laugh as much as we used to.

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

    “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know sir, I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

    He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

    Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir.”

    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

    “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely…………………………..

    “A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”

    Profile photo of XeniaXenia
    Member
    @xenia
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 1,231

    Thanks for the laugh [biggrin]

    I’m glad I’m not a nurse!

    We buy properties in Adelaide. No Agent Fees.
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    Profile photo of mapleleafmapleleaf
    Member
    @mapleleaf
    Join Date: 2005
    Post Count: 51

    I am a nurse and have not had that sort of problem before!

    Cute one I will share with my co-workers!

    Mapleleaf

    Achieve the Dream!

    Profile photo of redwingredwing
    Participant
    @redwing
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,733

    Here’s another Funny

    A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his
    chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

    “OK old fart, time for you to retire.”

    The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of
    these
    chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the
    two
    old hens over in the corner?” The young rooster says, “Beat it: You
    are
    washed up and I am taking over..” The old rooster says, “I tell you
    what,
    young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets
    the
    exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.” The young rooster
    laughs.
    “You know you don’t stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I
    will
    give you a head start.”

    The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young
    rooster
    takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the
    farmhouse
    and the young rooster has closed the gap.

    He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The
    farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
    when
    he
    sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and – BOOM – he
    blows
    the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
    “Darn…..third gay rooster I bought this month.”

    Moral of this story? .

    Don’t mess with the OLD FARTS – age, skill, and treachery will always
    overcome youth and arrogance!

    “Money is a currency, like electricity and it requires momentum to make it Effective”
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    Profile photo of BajaBaja
    Participant
    @baja
    Join Date: 2004
    Post Count: 6

    Are we condoning minority violence here?

    Baja.

    There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.

    You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

    Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.

    Profile photo of Don NicolussiDon Nicolussi
    Participant
    @don
    Join Date: 2005
    Post Count: 1,086

    hmmmmmmmmmm[blink]

    I Buy New Zealand Property – All types and conditions [email protected]

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    Profile photo of XeniaXenia
    Member
    @xenia
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 1,231

    maybe someone should shoot the farmer!

    sorry, don’t like that joke [angry2]

    We buy properties in Adelaide. No Agent Fees.
    [email protected]
    INCREASE THE CASH FLOW FROM YOUR INVESTMENT PROPERTIES!
    http://www.renttoownau.com/ http://www.vendorfinanceau.com/

    Profile photo of JarrahJarrah
    Member
    @jarrah
    Join Date: 2005
    Post Count: 99

    Have a joke you may appreciate:

    Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
    He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

    “You know,” he says, “I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk.”

    The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy, smiling. “How about nuclear power?”

    “OK,” says the blonde. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”

    The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

    “So tell me,” says the blonde, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know s#&t?”

    Sincerely, Jarrah

    “S.O.L.U.T.I.O.N.S” Mentoring Groups!
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