For those of you who have difficulty understanding the engineer’s mindset.
Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.”
Understanding Engineers – Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers – Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, “What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George! what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers – Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
[strum][laughing][lmao]
Cheers
C@34
C@34,
Great thread….here’s my contribution ;
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him in a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.Traits of an engineer include, but clearly are not limited to:
* You take a cruise, so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
* In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
* The salespeople at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
* At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
* You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie.
* You can type 70 words per minute,but you can’t read your own handwriting.
* You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
* You sit backwards on Disney rides, so you can see how they do the special effects.
* You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
* You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
* You know what <http://> stands for.
* You look forward to Christmas, so you can put together the kids’ toys.
* You see a good design, and have to change it.
* You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
* You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
* You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
* You window shop at Radio Shack.
* Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
* You’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
* You’ve tried to repair a $5 radio.Cheers,
Dazzling
“Go hard or go home”
LOL!
Love the one about earnings per second – must try that one![lmao]
Cheers
C@34
Here’s another-one:
Q: ” How do engineers solve Constipation?”
A: ” They work it out with a pencil!”Cheers
C@34
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