Forums / Property Investing / General Property / Partner Resistance Issues

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  • Profile photo of Boshy888Boshy888
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    @boshy888
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 154

    We have a PPOR and settled on our first IP a month ago.  My partner is now starting to freak out about us having this new debt whereas I am feeling really good that we have finally taken this positive step towards improving our financial future.

    Obviously my partner doesn't have the same (or any) level of commitment that I have and this is going to be a real anchor to where I want to progress to.  I've tried logic and going over numbers but it isn't having much impact.  I wanted to buy our first IP 7 years ago but partner wouldn't agree. If we had, we'd be so much better off now.  After waiting so long, I am going to get pretty steamed about being continually held back and will have to have to work out how to mitigate this issue.

    Has anyone else experienced this kind of resistance from their partner in doing what it takes to become financially stable/free? How have you worked around it? 

    Profile photo of v8ghiav8ghia
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    @v8ghia
    Join Date: 2005
    Post Count: 871

    Hey Boshy – and congrats on the purchase. DOn't be too hard on your partner – we all change over time, and at least you have your fist – one more than most. You will freak your partner though if you sart talking about jumping from thsi one, to owning four IP's though – it is an alien thought to how most of us have been/were brought up. Most of us wish we started earlier. If your proeprty is heavily negatively geared I could understand their concern. …..you may find that in a year or so when you have enjoyed some capital growth and or income and have something tangible to show, it will be a different story. All the best.

    Profile photo of Boshy888Boshy888
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    @boshy888
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 154

    I think you're probably right V8ghia.
    Thanks.

    Profile photo of NucopiaNucopia
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    @nucopia
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 102

    Boshy
    Dont be discouraged  lots of people have fear of things they dont understand thats natural and the more you get upset by her negative  reactions to your excitement  the more you will fuel her fears.
    Take a step back from the whole situation and remember if she has a lack of confidence in you and your investment stratagy  then you need to think act  and implement   a very calm and gentle plan to reassure her and build her confidence in what your doing , create an atmosphere of trust so she feels secure in the things your doing . Be patient and understanding of her fear and lack of confidence because every one reacts to debt in different ways, maybe her freaking out is just her way of dealing with her fear of debt.
     One suggestion I can give is to have some one she respects and trusts  talk to her about your present situation, some one she admires for their achievements and  success.  If they reinforce your  position on investing ,then maybe  she will see things from a different perspective and see you in a different light as well. 
     

    Cheers
    nucopia
      

      

    Profile photo of ducksterduckster
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    @duckster
    Join Date: 2004
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    Most people see debt as a bad thing to avoid , yet they seem to borrow lots of money to buy a new car, TV, Stereo, furniture, carpet, fridge, stove, ect but they end up paying more for these items due to higher interest rates. These assets will be worth in 10 years time very little. A House should go up in value over ten years if you have a long term outlook rather than a short term outlook.
    A good goal to have is to get the property in a cash flow positive situation because then the property is costing you nothing to hold on to.
    If you can hold on to the property for the long term show your partner the property value each year and how much it has gone up in value from the previous year.

    these articles below may help explain the diference between good debt and bad debt

    http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/
    http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/credit-management/gooddebt-baddebt.asp
    http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Savinganddebt/Managedebt/P150813.asp
    http://www.count.com.au/Investor_Education/Principles/Ten_Simple_Rules/Rule_9.htm
    http://www.thedigeratilife.com/blog/index.php/2007/07/23/good-debt-bad-debt-the-differences-illustrated/
    http://www.fool.com/personal-finance/credit/2006/11/03/good-debt-bad-debt.aspx

    Profile photo of Boshy888Boshy888
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    @boshy888
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 154

    Thanks for your input guys.  Time and patience. Tick, tick, tick….

    Profile photo of Opportunity In EverythingOpportunity In Everything
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    @opportunity-in-everything
    Join Date: 2006
    Post Count: 122

    Good debt and bad debt, that's the way to go.

    Yes I've had my partner physically restrain me at an auction to stop me from bidding.  We got the property for $143,000.
     
    It costs us around $3,000 PA or $60 a week to own.  2 years latter its worth around $265,000.  $60 a week for $1,100 a week growth.  Case closed.

    Positively geared properties….o my not that again.

    Profile photo of Mikey PMikey P
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    Join Date: 2006
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    G'Day
    Buy your partner a copy of "rich dad poor dad" and "Cashflow quadrant" tell them to read those books and if they still are unsure……………………………?????????????????????? That's how I educated my wife. Good luck.
    Mikey P

    Profile photo of HutchHutch
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    @hutch
    Join Date: 2004
    Post Count: 137

    Hi Boshy
    This is a great post and a matter close to the hearts of many forumites. 
    A fine line is what we tread, we can only endeavor to educate them on the process and hope they bloody listen. A lot of us receive resistance from partners and/or family members over property investing at the start until…(you guessed it)… we start moving forward and making huge profits. Then they want advice, help or want to get into JVs!
    Its a pity there isn't a book at the local store specifically on how to deal with this issue without being divorced, split or dis-owned by our loved ones!

    dont give up
    Hutch

    Profile photo of MooseheadMoosehead
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    @moosehead
    Join Date: 2006
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    A few people have mentioned giving books to a partner to get them inspired/converted ;) What about for the parter that doesn't read much?  I would love to have my girlfriend on board but unless theres a version of 'Rich Dad' that is presented by Tyra Banks (she loves Next Top Model) then I don't see it happening… :D

    Profile photo of HutchHutch
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    @hutch
    Join Date: 2004
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    Too true Moosehead………very funny!
    (Get Foxtel disconnected until she reads it!)

    Profile photo of waterwater
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    @water
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 23

     I don't think disconnecting Foxtel will get her to read the book i think it will just make her angry – it would make me angry! ( not foxtel but being told/made to do something). hahah

    I have tried getting my boyfriend  (of 7 yrs) to do a lot of things he hasn't wanted to and each time it  has been the  worst time in our relationship (like quitting smoking). He has quit now though he probably would have done it in his own time though if i had left it alone.

    So now i am trying to get into investing i am approaching it a little differently – i have books around the house and i talk about what i have read and the possibilities. Occasionally he says NO MORE but he is generally more open to the idea now. So i think i will keep going with this.

    What does R.K's book say about context? – It is, hard to believe with the majority of people around you working 9-5 that there are other options and I'm sure this is where some resistance comes from.

    I wonder is there is a psychologist on this forum that could give us all some tips???

    Profile photo of Boshy888Boshy888
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    @boshy888
    Join Date: 2007
    Post Count: 154

    Whew! OTHER people with the same problem! Its heartening (in a bitter sweet kind of a way) to know you too have partners who don't read, aren't interested in listening or believing that yes, they can do it. Having the news readers constantly talking about interest rate rises is not very helpful at the moment. It is enough to cause a black cloud of depression to form in our lounge room each night, which isn't necessary as rises have already been budgeted into the purchasing equation.

    Like a couple of you here, my partner doesn't like to read either, isn't into investing videos, investing seminars and my conversations about what has been learned are all viewed as pie in the sky kind of stuff. If we knew people who were successful investors it would help a lot as there's nothing like mixing with people who have braved the investing frontier and not only lived but prospered well to tell the tale of "Its not as scary as you imagine". I do know a couple of people but they aren't people who we 'mix' with or that my partner thinks is on our level/experience/income etc.

    Patience will be used but I WILL be doing things quietly to educate myself further (there's no stopping it) and to figure out how to create more income so that further advancement will be easier and less scary for my partner (I hope). I've never lost us money or been an extravagent person and have managed all of our finances so it is disappointing to have him feel so little confidence in my plans – but never the less understandable given the sums of money involved.

    One of the really exciting things is that my children can see that it is possible to purchase more than one property at a time and hopefully they will have some early beliefs we didn't have.

    Profile photo of Boshy888Boshy888
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    @boshy888
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    Good going Opportunity In!

    Profile photo of attrillattrill
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    @attrill
    Join Date: 2004
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    Up until I married three years ago I was buying two properties a year. Since then I have bought none. I have a shelf full of books on property investing and wealth management and I tried to get my wife to tead "Rich Dad Poor Dad" but she wasn't interested.

    To her our best investment has been the $35000 4WD that she just had to have. At the moment it will take 30 years to pay off for a total of $80000.

    I am now under pressure to sell my investment properties as her car is now 4 years old and she can't see why we should not live for the moment.

    It's good to hear that there are others who are in the same situation.

    Profile photo of attrillattrill
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    @attrill
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    I didn't mean it is good if you are in the same situation, I meant to say I feel better that I am not the only one.

    Profile photo of Mortgage HunterMortgage Hunter
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    @mortgage-hunter
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 3,781

    Time will help a lot especially as they see that the world didn't end and in fact you are financially better off with the capital growth.  Just don't overwhelm the partner by doing too much too soon.  They have as much right to their feelings as you do to yours.  Remember that if you want a situation to change then you must change.  Cannot change another person. 

    I remember buying $2000 worth of Woolworths shares when first married.  My wife felt I had just blown my savings down the race track.  Now I can buy $50K of something and she doesn't even listen to me and steers the conversation back to her day at work.

    Profile photo of Tysonboss1Tysonboss1
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    @tysonboss1
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    Moosehead wrote:
    A few people have mentioned giving books to a partner to get them inspired/converted ;) What about for the parter that doesn't read much?  I would love to have my girlfriend on board but unless theres a version of 'Rich Dad' that is presented by Tyra Banks (she loves Next Top Model) then I don't see it happening… :D

    So True,…. shoot me a copy of that tyra banks book so I can give it to my "ball and chain", If only we can get them to do Feature on robert kyosaki on "E News"

    Profile photo of peter-reebokpeter-reebok
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    @peter-reebok
    Join Date: 2006
    Post Count: 27

    What about setting aside a certain amount for your 'investing' hobby.
    That way it is your, and not her emotional weight to carry.
    If other people can set aside 500/month for that motorbike, new car or nights out, why can't you do the same for your hobby?

    Slowly build the portfolio, and you will find you can do quite a lot with that 500.

    been with my wife for 30+ yrs, and unless it is a joint goal, keep the goals separate!
    Just passed the first year of 2 x IP's, and my wife and daughter are now inspired to join my enthusiasm.
    And the 2 x Ip's have only cost me 500 for the year!
    Currently looking for 2 more.

    Profile photo of HandyAndy888HandyAndy888
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    @handyandy888
    Join Date: 2005
    Post Count: 160

    My now wife was very hesitant to purchase IPs, but for me it was all a case of figures (you say that didn't work, perhaps you need to "show" him, a lot of males are visual learners)….

    Anyway, here is what I suggest….forget your partner…do it by yourself, tell him it does not involve him and that this will not impact on his life at all…after a while, show him the capital gain against the money its cost you…if he still doesn't see it…let him be, you continue investing and leave him out of it…its not such a bad thing….if he disapproves, say the following line exactly (assuming you both work)….

    "Hubby, here is how it is…in a  few years time, with investing, I will be sitting on a beach checking the hot studs walking around in their DTs,  making my share of our income by doing NOTHING, while you go to work slaving for someone else….."

    Ensure you say that line exactly!!!!!!!!!!  DO not digress even a little, keep to this plan and you'll have him looking religiously at re.com.au faster than…well, you get the idea.

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