Here’s a quick, but important question.
My wife is ultra conservative when it comes to investing. She’s a bit of a bird in the hand kinda girl.
Any tips on getting your partner on board in the beginning of your journey. Others must have been there. I’d love to hear your tactics, … I mean strategies
AXJFast LaneMember@fast-laneJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 527
You’re certainly not the only one who’s been down this road before, check this out;
Good Luck…G7YasminaMember@yasminaJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 60
Thanks for the reply on the other post.
I will tell you my story with my “other half”. Here it goes. My “other half” is not ambitious at all. He believes in basics, have a home, food on the table and being able to pay bills.”ONE day when we pay house off ” we will buy investment property. Problem is, you have to do your own thing, do your research and make your “other half” to see what you see that is the only way (in my case), but everybody is different.Can be lonely sometimes thinking that you are the only one in the game, but perserverance is the key. You have to be the one who is going to do learning part and educating part of course, but i guess it has to be YOU who is going to do that part. My husband is “bird in a hand”, but with a lot of patience, lots of convincing we are finally on the right track.What they really need is a little wind in the back, after all, it takes two to tango. Taking risks is never easy…Good luck, just patience and good will, everything else will fall in place.
YasminaNigel KibelParticipant@nigel-kibelJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 1,425
Maybe take you and her from an expert. If she heres it from someone else sher may listen. If not forget it. If you partner is not on side you have three choices, do it behind her back. do not do anything, or get a new partner.
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Thanx guys,that’s good advise. I can see that once I get a little momentum things will get easier, but momentum is easier with two pushing. I would love to hear more from those who have done it so that perhaps I can share these remarks with her. She not anti success or my plan but I wish it was more our plan than mine. I’m sure others have stories.
AXJgatsbyMember@gatsbyJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 708
Seven years ago I was engaged and the wedge that divided us was only one small tiny thing – money (this was before I ever bought a property). We broke up because even though she earned more than I did we got to the point of buying a PPOR. After one year I had paid off a $18k debt and saved $10k. I asked her how much she had saved. She had saved $1k. I asked her where all her money had gone. She told me that she had to have her legs waxed. When I asked her to elaborate, she told me that she had to have her legs waxed in Toorak. I asked her why couldn’t she have her legs waxed in Boronia! To cut to the chase, my fiance wanted to live a life style costing far beyond her/our means. And why shouldn’t she? My goals were different and no matter how much I tried to convince her about investing for a future (house, children, education, etc) I couldn’t. I also realised that maybe it wasn’t my ‘role’ to tell her what her core beliefs should be? It’s hard enough trying to change things about ourselves. It’s impossible to try and change another person. This girl was in every other way the most beautiful kindred spirit/supportive person you could imagine. However you can’t dig a hole somewhere else by digging harder in your own. I only hope she met someone who could offer her all the material luxuries that were important to her. If we had have married I could picture myself coming home from work each morning with a ‘miners face covered in soot’, only to have one of 34 kids tell me ‘Can’t we cut just your [email protected] off?’ (She also wanted a lot of children).
The decision to break up with her may have been the most regretful or wise thing I have ever done?
Ps. The above applies to either gender.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is often the best thing to do.”lifeXMember@lifexJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 651
Thats a sad story. I hope it all works out for you in the end.
If lifes hiccups don’t kill you, they should make you stronger.
I think it is worth spending a lot of effort talking to your partner about coming on board with investing. You should be able to at least get them to tolerate your investing.
Maybe Start a small portfolio and let results speak for themselves. Maybe a tough one as investing is a long term thing.
Maybe have a lawyer write up a contract that excludes your partner from access to any profits from investing?, this suggestion may make them think. No-one wants to miss out on windfalls of money.
It’s all part of the dynamics of compromise and negotiation in a relationship and not necessarily about who is right.
…..I’ll take my doctor phil hat off now.
p.s. my partner tolerates my investing as long as it doesn’t eat too much into quality time together.
Live, Learn and Grow
LifexperienceinezMember@inezJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 32
We both earn about the same so we do what we like with our extra cash. He has a boat and I am investing and renovating. I’m actually looking forward to when I can buy him a real boat!MillyMember@millyJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 288
My guy is divorced and doing the maintenaince thing for two kids. He finds it virtually impossible to get ahead financially so has no interest in property (which is my passion). He would rather fish.Frankly he is a financial liability.
However he IS good at renovating and can fix anything.
I guess sometimes you have to cut your losses and just accept the things your partner CAN offer. After all, I hate fishing.
millygeoffrey jMember@geoffrey-jJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 4
this will probably be controversal…I don”t mean it to be… and I”m not a M.C.Pig…
But if you really want to do R.Estate in any way & partner won”t,,, whatever…
JUST GET…A new woman…
RustyJenny1Member@jenny1Join Date: 2004Post Count: 269
I once married a man that was v careful with his money, infact all my wages went into his account and I was given an allowance of $50 per fortnight, as he believed I was not good with finance. He did not share my vision/passion for investing and believed in not doing anything in regards to investing other than paying off his mortgage.
I was made redundant and monies received were paid on his mortgage, we decided to part ways (many other differences).
Since then I purchased my first IP made money on it, bought a further 3 properties (on my own) then met a gr8 fellow (and married him) who had spent his life with family sponging off him until he had nothing.
We had talked endlessly about future plans to invest before we got married so I was sure that we both had similar vision.
We discuss ventures but it is me that does the ground work, manages and saves the money. He supplies the muscle and endless energy for renovations.
I believe there is always one person in a relationship that is better with money than the
other but as with Gastsby you need to share the same vision/drive to get to your goal in life.
Jenny1shorter27816Member@shorter27816Join Date: 2003Post Count: 20
I can sympathise with those who are trying to do the investing in partnership that is one sided in that area. I don’t know how you get the other person as interested as you – but for me I come back to why are you investing in the first place. People talk about financial freedom and not having to work but then what are you going to do – honestly all day at home with your partner that isn’t into investing doesn’t seem like much fun to me. I think you need to concentrate on the other goals in your life that investing can help you achieve – in other words to quote Dr Phil you need a plan that you can both be excited about. Good luckMortgage HunterParticipant@mortgage-hunterJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 3,781
Wow people are making it all sound so dramatic.
I had a similar problem.
But after I bought one property and she saw that we weren’t destitute, in fact were better off she got more interested.
She still sees it as my thing but enjoys coming along to look at places.
He lack of excitement is a great counterbalance to my enthusiasm. In fact she often points out things obvious to only a woman so it is great.
Just get started and I bet she will be dragged along and maybe even get involved to her comfort level. Don’t underestimate her!
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Comments may not be relevant to individual circumstances. If you intend making any investment, financial or taxation decision you should consult a professional adviser.
Thanks for all of your comments.
I won’t get rid of her, she is the reason that I want to do it.
With financial freedom, we can spend more time together delighting in our real passion, travelling around the world. This is what I think that I will concentrate on. I will continue to show her that this plan is possible and with her help it will be easier. I will show her that with every $200 per week she can work one less day. This is all of our dreams I imagine and I’m sure she is no different. The hardest part is getting started and showing her that it can be done.
AXJscorpioMember@scorpioJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 16
Also – people change over time. It may be a case of shoe on the other foot somewhere down the track when deals dont excite you as much as they might her.scorpioMember@scorpioJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 16
Also – people change over time. It may be a case of shoe on the other foot somewhere down the track when deals dont excite you as much as they might her.C2Participant@c2Join Date: 2002Post Count: 518
You might want to find out what she wants out of life and make your investing part of that. For example she may want to live in an outer suburb on a slightly larger block for the kids to play in or may have a favorite little holiday spot. You need to have all the answers to questions she will ask and the figures to back it up. Try not to push but nudge a little. Leave magazines around with pictures of nice houses or the type that would interest her. Another way is to show how much equity you have in your current house and how prices have gone up and maybe hint that you can move to another nicer house. Time is your only enemy but give her time with some gentle nudges and you may be surprised.YvonneHMember@yvonnehJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 4
I am often faced with this situation at work as I work for a property education firm in nz. ask your partner what is her wortst fear about investing, once you have identified it (could be similair themes in all her life) you then have the abilitity to gove some strategies on how you will minimise them. People also learn better with metaphors as it slips through their conscious mind and into their unconscious mind where the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle can be fit together….. Mmmmm does she think ‘big picture’ or in smaller chunks? This will determine how she is viewing the situation and you can then adapt the ‘theories and ‘practicalities’ of investing to suit her style of learning and comprehension. Patience will be your best friend as well as your ultimate desire to make this win/win….. definately search for as much info as to ‘why not’ or ‘not interested’ so you can offer solutions
Have a MOST OUTSTANDING DayGPSnetworkMember@gpsnetworkJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 313
Simple strategy that you may have already tried would be to find out her exact fears and concerns about investing in property and tackle them with real solutions before suggesying any particular property.
It’s important to get all of great concern resolved first, it’s a big step for her too and alot of us hate change!
Maybe she’s scared of wealth??
L.R.E.A., Dip FS (FP)
Guardian Property Specialists (GPS)
Thanks all. Yvonne has a good piont. I think in a very overall manner. I can see the big picture clearly and have a pretty good idea of how i’m going to get there. She is much more focused on the details and this is where I need to communicate on her terms and in her language. I need to due more due diligence before I take to her the proposal. You are bang on, thanks a tonne.