A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour
surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know sir, I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She
raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir.”The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
“Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely…………………………..
“A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”
Is it about the money?
DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS!
Just in case you are wondering if anyone appreciated your joke…
I laughed so loudly at the computer my boys (16, 13 and 9) just had to know what was so funny. They thought it was so funny (especially the 9 year old, they think jokes about “privates” are hillarious).
I’ve told quite a few people.
If you have any more, I’d like to read them.
I told two friends today in a crowded food court at a shopping centre, which was OK except one friend is 86 and can’t hear very well, so I had to speak up a bit. She loved it.
Thanks for brightening my day, Wylie.
I was in this retaurant the other day with a few friends. It was pretty fancy, they served mainly Mediteranean dishes. I didn’t really know what I wanted, and the menu didn’t help me much. There were all these rediculous names for things and I had no idea. When the waiter came to our table he took everyone’s order and then he got to me. He was quite the sophisticated waiter, and had a bit of an accent. He asked me what I wanted. I really love some types of seafood, and I saw this woman on the table next to us with this fantastic plate of food. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, so I asked the waiter,
“Do you serve prawns here?”
To which he pompously replied,
“We serve anyone.”
Great joke. Couldn’t stop laughing for about 5 minutes. As it was after midnight, I woke up the whole household.
I’ve just heard that Derren Hinch has been sacked by Kellogg’s because he’s giving people the s**ts.
A Lawyer doesn’t stop at a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Police Officer. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense.
Cop says, “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What for?”
Cop says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign .”
Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Cop says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Cop says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”
Cop says, “Step out of your vehicle, sir!”
At this point, the Cop takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the Lawyer and says: “Now Sir, do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
2
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$250.”In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball.”
The boy says, “I can’t ! I sold them.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
The son says,”$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that <edited> again.”
“Money is a currency, like electricity and it requires momentum to make it Effective”
Count The Currency With This Online Positive Cashflow CalculatorNice REDWING – Very Nice
I just fired those 2 off to some work collegues of mine and I can still hear them laughing
<KS>
Is it about the money?
DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS!
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