Unmotivated Partner

Sam,

I wouldn’t like to see your question get lost in here, as I reckon it means a lot to you. Can I suggest you retype this as a “New topic” so that the good people here can address your question on its merits?

Re Dazzling’s original post:-
In my case, my wife instigated the purchase of our first IP. It went well, but we re-sold when Interest rates went to 17.5% (1989?). Later, (MUCH later) I became the “trend-setter” when I set about learning what I should have learned 30 years earlier. Today, we hold a lot more property, and the benefits are able to be seen by both, even though she “doesn’t understand the maths”. Most of the time, I keep this detail from her, so as not to confuse/alarm her. In the end, our net worth grows, and we find life is easier.

We celebrate our own “Independence Day” every year (the date when she wrote the cheque – at my insistence – that paid off our home) This was then re-borrowed to fund the deposits and costs of our first 3 IP’s.

She attends the occasional seminar, but doesn’t get what I do from them – but she is “giving me a go”, and I appreciate that. We now buy most properties with mutual input, and can discuss deals without getting too antsie….. but that wasn’t always the case. As others have said, time helps to even things out – little by little, things just seem to improve.

Since we are now both in our mid to late 50’s, I guess we’ve had a bit more time than most to understand each other (even tho this can be difficult for guys and gals!!! – some times she is just so weird….[biggrin])

Keep plugging away, Dazzling – if you both appreciate each other, it’ll all work out in the end,

Benny

Boy, can I relate to having an unmotivated partner!!! My husband took quite a few years to convince that investing in property was worthwhile. We began approx 4 years ago- just in time for the property boom. Unfortunately we approached property using negative gearing. After spending so long getting my husband motivated, I read Steve’s books. It took only a short time to convince him that we need to aim for a positive cashflow, so now we are selling EVERY INVESTMENT PROPERTY. I am very worried that he will be too cautious to reinvest. We will come out way in front from our investments after tax, and I am very keen to leave my current job so I can focus on full time investing, but… Here’s hoping.

Dazzling, I’m new to the forum but understand your situation perfectly. Experience has taught me, and sometimes I’ve not been a quick learner, that whenever my partner starts to talk as yours does she is actually letting me know that I’m focusing too much on something other than the relationship and the family. It is sometimes difficult to strike the balance, but if I don’t then she is pretty quick to let me know. Just a thought. Steve

jkrzyszton

I feel for you as I have struggled with the same thing. I felt it very challenging to keep charging when I was the only one interested. What I found was you can’t change others but you can change yourself and through understanding my wife’s mindset I was, and am able to present opportunities in language she can appreciate and get exited about. The resources I used to gain this ability is a CD audio set called the magic of colors and it is available at http://www.clubrhino.com/products/item6.cfm

Hi all. Long time reader, first time poster. My husband and I are very lucky. He is a CFP and explains the pros and cons of various strategies and then I do the research as I have more time. Then we get together, go through everything and make a decision based on what is best for our future. Having someone who not only supports but also complements what you do is ideal.

Hi disillusioned.
Dissinterest is not you problem.
Fear and ignorance is.

Your partner is you most valuable asset treat her with the care a long term asset deserves.

Discuss the idea of earning enough from investment to not ‘have to’ work. Nothing works like success. Make some.
Too good to be true is probably an idea that someone with less than you might have about your situation. This too is an idea that is too simple to be true for them.

Suggest you put up the payments on your mortgage to reduce the spare money and put further pressure on the spender. Pays your mortgage of sooner too.
No money this week as it is all on our mortage. If partner objects try asking partner to save (ie permanently not spend) the same amount each month that you are paying to the bank as interest.
Good idea to make concrete the profit the bank is making from you. I bet you quietly pay this expence too.

Try this one on your partner if you like a fight.
Write your obituary now
What would you wish people to say about you whey you die. Spent a lot of money in a frivolous and selfish manner. Chose to stay ignorant because it was easier, Perhaps not!
What would you wish to have done before you hit pay dirt 6 feet under.
Sound morbid but this is war.
How much of your life time are you willing to spend in a mediocre way because of fear and ignorance.
First try and put in words what you realy mean. What is it you are wanting. When are you wanting it. When you have this down, look from the partners position. What are you asking that person to give up. They will see it as loosing something they are comfortable with. (Spending 110% of income is not human nature it is just irresponsible) If you are not financially indipendant you can not afford the doodads. If you loose your means of income will the doodads keep you alive or eat you alive?
Risk analysis puts strategies in place to keep you safe when the worst case happens. What are your strategies for surviving the crash?

Look for a carrot that the partner will value.
If you can find one (more is better) you have an powerful negotiating and sales position. Find what they want and look for a way for them to let you give it to them.
Don’t make the mistake (made it several times befor I learned) of telling them what you know. They have already told you they do not want to know. Do not get between them and a comfortable position unless you like a fight. Remember you loose this one when you win.(just hope this does not apply to this advice)

Try moddeling your strategy. Show them the concrete, real time thing. When I do this— I get this —-. This is how easy it can be.
How much of this could you want?

Remember never give in and never give up. It is your life and it is serious. You are going to die from it so make it something you are willing to die for. Nothing else is enough.
Practice making your language say what is really happening and what you really mean and what you really want and when you would like it. Partner will understand you better and you never know that person might like you better if you were more masterful with your self. Honesty pays dividends.
Good luck favours the prepared and pasionate life.
I hope you get more dissillusioned, think about it! If you are living in an illusion would you not want to wake up from it? You probably just feel uncomfortable loosing your comfortable position. Sound familiar?!
Which will it be the red pill or the blue one.
May you live in interesting times.
Ratty

Dazzling – mate,
just read this post. Must be a near record for one topic.
My wife is a carbon copy of yours.But worse. When I read out some of the member’s achievements, how many investment properties they have, my wife tells me that they are all lairs.
How do you know that they are telling the truth?
You prove to me that they’re not telling lies and I’ll start to read some of the posts.
She then goes on to say, how do these people know that you’re not telling lies?
You can’t win.

bruham.

hi dazzling
couple of things
1. look like heaps of replys and for those partners that think that its all lies get them to come to the groups and meet the people that have got to where they are.
2. I’m alittle bit different as we have made a purpose commitment that for legal reasons that she know nothing about the finer points of my business dealings as they are multipul groups of trusts and yes she knows where and what they are and if any problem she has control and that any problem comes down to my name that is not carrying in it own right any of our properties.
so for us its a little easier I go to the meetings and she doesn’t I do the deals and once they are finalised she takes over the running of the end products and I move on to the next project,
at all times she know the financial position of the group but does not know the internal negs until the project is finished and is not on any guarantees as my trusts feed thru to her section.
all start deals are with me( and trust) and the other trust members and once complete she is added to my trust section and it flows thru.
this way if a problem occurs me and only me are in the firing line
and all my properties are secure as they are arm lenght from my dealings.
you may look at this.
my .002

here to help
If you want to get involved in some of the projects I’m involved in email to [email protected]

Dazzling

You are not alone. My wife wants nothing to do with investing in property. She wants to own the property and she used them for a bragging right one day against someone she didn’t really like who was giving her the <edited>s about them bragging about what they had.

She is extremely good at sreaming abuse from the side lines without really knowing what is going on in the game. And has absolutely no interest in gaining any extra knowledge about anything .

We are involved as joint tenants in all our real estate ownerships. so I need her sigs. to move ahead. But I tell her nothing of how much things cost, how much I borrow , how much rent we get and how much I spend fixing things, or body corps or rates or when the properties go up in value.

So that is how I deal with it . I tell her nothing.

The biggest down fall of this is when a property rises in value and the real estate agents calls you to tell you that today you are tens of thousands of dollars better of , you have no one to share that good experience with.

It definately is hard when your biggest detractor lives with you. Don’t let them discourage you.

Good luck……