- woodsmanMember@woodsmanJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 714
You have reminded me about my ex-girlfriend.. [ohno]
We frequently discussed (at my prompting) our future finances and the best way to achieve a bit of financial security. Talked about various options, however whenever it was time for us to make the decision, other things got in the way for her…like a sports-convertible car, shoes, holidays to Europe, more shoes and finally a few more shoes. Yes, I now know women can never have enough shoes.
So after a few false starts, I decided to do it myself. Now in conjunction with other factors (which only Dr Phil could adequately deal with),this commenced our growth down different paths. She was resentful of what I had started but never actually did anything about it. Even with my offers of assistance and countless conversations.
In retospect, my investment career not only commenced (hopefully) the start of a secure financial path but actually helped me realise things about her character that I chose to ignore previously but only became visible when i decided to start investing myself.
Ah life…what a journey![wink]DazzlingMember@dazzlingJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 1,150
I’ve found in the past there is one of three reactions;
1. Active encouragement and willingness. Unfortunately this has happened only once, but boy did big things get done in a hurry….a quick sprint along the road to wealth was the result.
2. Disinterest at best. This is where the majority of the reactions over the deals would sit. Hard work, and a slow jog along the road to wealth is usually the result.
3. Active Resistance. Thankfully this has happened only once or twice, but is happening on the current deal…hence the original post. Extremely difficult / frustrating when someone who is very dear to you and financially involved working against you every step of the way. At best, a crawl along the road to wealth…
Conclusion, IMHO this subject has far greater impact on your goal of successful investing than any other factor you shall come across, regardless of property type / finance source / tenant mix and organisational skill.
If there is active resistance…forget it…go play another game.DDMember@ddJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 508
Great Couples are great because they bounce their differing opinions off each other and come to the middle ground without a death in the family.
With all the couples we have talked to about property over the years, it is plain to see there is always(well 99% of the time) one convinced that sitting on your hands will see you cap in hand to the government for retirement money where the other partner thinks doing anything is risking the house.
I am blessed that originally I was the slow starter out of the box, and the wife was the one attending seminars and attempting to get me out of the JOB(just over broke) mentality im not too proud to say, took me a bit of time to snap out of.
Now we are both committed to goals and reassess, as Westan and Derek do, our direction and focus every few months to make sure we are both on the same page. With a partner that is negative, see it as a challenge to solve, every no gets you closer to the next yes, and each problemis one less you have to face tomorrow.
Any true success is from perserverance, so please don’t give up. Keep leaving API mags around, printed posts on the wifes desk, and get to seminars and dinners where appropriate. It is your dream, which you wish to share with her so just keep at it.
PS146 Certified Financial Planner
Don’t sweat the small stuff,and it’s all small stuff!!
You all seem to go along the line of trying to make it work. That’s okay, but only for so long. If you have a car that continually doesn’t perform you trade it in. There’s thousands more “cars” out there and bound to be plenty that perform to your expectations. The days of spending all your spare time and energy trying to mend your car are over.
Julian2timtamMember@timtamJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 50
I think that may be a little harsh perhaps?
We all are in a position where we would never ‘trade’ our partner in for a new and younger model just because they don’t share our passion for investing! All of us that have replied throughout this thread have the same traits in common… we are committed and loyal partners who respect our differences with the other person and are willing to take the good with the not-so-good.
We don’t just dump them and get another that thinks exactly as we do.. how boring. That’s half the fun of it… finding out new things about your partner all the time.
Do you think that if the shoe was on the other foot, and your partner felt that YOU weren’t committed to something that they felt passionate about that they should trade you in? You probably wouldn’t be happy about that I presume?
I’m sorry for you if you seriously think that way, and hope that your outlook will change… as ‘trading’ partners because they don’t follow you like a shadow in your thoughts in every way can lead to a lonely life later.
All the best.
Tamlukis pMember@lukis-pJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 47
my girl friend was very cautious on investing (even though she was a property manager). I convinced her that we buy an ip. After 2 years she could see the growth we had made on paper and was more confident with each purchace after we now have 4 ip’s. If your partners are worried about risking your ppor, just ask, what did we pay for this place? then ask what do you think it is worth now? (may be worht doing research on property.com.au or the like) Then ask what if we had bought 2 of these back then or 3 or 4 etc, it may make it easier to invisage if you put your ppor into the equasion.
just a thought.
TimTamI’m sorry for you if you seriously think that way, and hope that your outlook will change… as ‘trading’ partners because they don’t follow you like a shadow in your thoughts in every way can lead to a lonely life later.
Do you have some experience with the trading in of partners to be able to comment so authoritatively on the likely outcome?
Julian2SonjaMember@sonjaJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 338
I think the point was that if you want to “trade in” your partner every time they don’t agree with your ideas then you may find it hard to develop a deep emotional connection to someone. It has been my experience that nobody is perfect. I have never come across anyone that shares exactly the same thoughts, values, priorities, or interests. I believe that if you are seeking this ideal without comprimise then the odds are that you will be alone (and perhaps lonely?) in life.
My husband has complete confidence in me and my investing ideas which is a bit scary at times as there is none of Michael’s “voice of reason” to make me stop and think.
Sadly, on the other hand he has absolutly no confidence in himself (a result of his beeing brought up in a toxic family) to reach anything greater than his PAYE income. Even in that field he dosen’t have the confidence to take on further education in order to be promoted. He doesn’t believe he would pass the course. He doesn’t believe he’d be able to understand what is required or come up with creative enough ideas to be a successful investor. Although at one stage about a year ago he was doing well with options trading, a single (rather large) loss caused him to decide that he wasn’t able to succed at that either. Despite my pointing out the fact that he had made a nett profit despite the evil NAB loss he has not made a trade since.
We have been married for just over five years and I’m slowly (very slowly) seeing him develop a sense of self-worth and the ability to trust his own judgement.
That is why I’m alone with my property investing. I’m just hoping in time that will change. If not then that will be OK too. I’m luck to have my husband as my partner in life – having him as an investing partner would just be a bonus. I haven’t always felt this way though and initally was very frustrated with him. Reading this thread has just made me think about how unproductive that actually was. Thanks to everyone!
Even my Ferarri has her little foibles. I call them character traits. Mind you, if, no matter how much time and effort I put into her, I couldn’t get her fired up I think I’d be on the lookout for a Lambo.
Julian2AceyduceyParticipant@aceyduceyJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 651
As you’ve probably gathered, you’re certainly not alone in having a partner who’s level of investing interest is different to yours.
I don’t suffer from it myself (my partner is very focused on investing), however I’ve spent a lot of time with couples who do face this issue.
Some ideas that might be of value:
Get your partner along to social functions with investors. If she meets and talks to them socially, rather than in a formal environment, she may begin appreciating where your head is at and finding out things about investing that do interest her.
Sit down with your partner and map your financial future. Let her see how little you’d have if you did no investing…and how big a difference investing would make. This works best with people who are numerically literate – otherwise it bores them to tears.
You could search for an aspect of investing that interests her – maybe she is good at picking tenants, renovating houses, negotiating with agents…..
Get her into a game of Cashflow. This can show her the effects of investing very quickly. There are a number of clubs around & you can always invest a few hundred dollars into it yourself (think of the potential payoff and the investment is worth it).
At the end of the day, however, the best approach may be to take her at her word and use her reasons as the basis for how you collectively make investment decisions.
Work with her the way she wishes to be worked with. Say fine, you take care of the kids and critique the deals I find and I’ll focus on ensuring that we can afford to own a beautiful home and our children have the best education in the future, plus we’ll be able to have the things we want later in life. Value her contribution to investing in this way on the basis that she also values your contribution via investing to ensure your family’s financial future.
This can be part of a deal…we’ll do X to the house if I can buy Y properties. Make it a win-win proposition.
And this may even have her learn more about investing anyway – to critique your deals she will have to learn something….otherwise she’s not in a position to analyse them effectively.
Over time she may becone interested in a more active role, if so great..but if not, she’s at least guarding your back while you ensure your family’s future…who’s to say her role in doing that isn’t as crucial as yours.
Think about your basis for marriage, did you marry your partner because she was an investor or because you want to spend your lives together?
Investing may never be one thing that you and your partner share an interest in, but it’s outcomes will enrich your relationship for a lifetime.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
– Jan L.A. van de Snepscheutnatwayne28707Member@natwayne28707Join Date: 2003Post Count: 29
My partner thinks that I am contributing to Steve McKnight’s and Robert Kiyosaki’s retirement funds by buying all of their books. I think that if we got rid of Foxtel my partner would be more motivated with property.psnschapsMember@psnschapsJoin Date: 2003Post Count: 1
I also had the same problem though I was having trouble starting to invest, with the same excuses!
12 months ago with a lot of convincing and a little from her father, we went halves in a block of land with my wifes sister.
After 12 months the land has been a good learning curve for her, even though it is not a positively geared property, she actually listens to me when I start talking about it.
And now we are actively researching propertys together, talking about selling the land and putting the profits towards an investment property due to her now seeing that investing for our financial future can be achieved.
hope this helps,
doggie.RikkyMember@rikkyJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 313
Dazzling, although I am new to the forum I get the feeling that you are into property in a big way. I myself have done well in investing in property and live a good life due to my achievements and hopefull this will continue to go on. Be careful that you are not putting too much time into property seminars, books, forums etc that you are letting your family life suffer the consequences. I dont mean the good lifestyle you may have from it, I mean more family unity.You have to find a good balance. I have friends who are in similar situations and the biggest support I give them is financially look what they have achieved in life and they pass this message to their partners. I know this probably hasnt answered your question properly but hopefully I have shed some light. Cheers, Rick [drummer]ridiMember@ridiJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 24
boy do I feel better now…I felt like the only one that was a lonely investor !!!
great forum guys.
listen dazzling….your greatest INVESTMENT is YOUR wife.
that other guy that keeps talking about cars and tade ins sounds a bit like a mini miner!!!
my hubby is getting there I must say… I have to constantly remind him that hard work has got him NO WERE the last 25 years of his life.I try and be creative with the words that I use to convince him like……”your time is your most precious asset,your are selling your time for money every day of your life that’s why we need to work smarter not harder”OR “BABE don’t you think i’ts about time we get wize not mize” and much more poor guy…next he will pretend to be interested just to shut me up.
how i cope with this lack of interest is set up a small investors group we meet once a month and swap info and resources bloo*y fantastic we have a ball.
hang in there dazzling it will only make you more determined to proove her scepticism as I beleive that is her true issue
because if she new what good investing can do for your life style she would be supportive,………good luck…ridieesholeMember@eesholeJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 63
Thanks everyone for all your posts in this great forum. It’s good to know that so many other people share the same kinds of challenges that I do. Despite the resistance from some of your partners, it looks like most if not all of you have at least taken a few steps down the road of investing. I am still trying to get buy in from my wife for our first IP. She thinks I have wrong priorities and I should concentrate on looking after the kids, being diligent in my job, saving on little expenses here and there, and fixing up little things around the house. I’m just going to keep plugging away, and one day she’ll see the benefits of investing. So thanks everyone for your supportive and helpful posts.domcc1Member@domcc1Join Date: 2004Post Count: 12
Put me down as another one who shares a similar problem. Mine is slightly different though, as I’m 26 and she is my girlfriend (i.e. we are not married).
I’ve done quite well, have 2 IP’s (2001 & 2002) and just about to acquire some more, and would like to see a little bit of the world with the money I have made. My girlfriend hasn’t got $500 to her name.
I don’t feel like going by myself nor can I afford to pay for us both… also, if I did pay for us both what precendence does that set for our future? It looks like I’ll be the one who’ll have to pay for our first deposit when we get a house of our own, it’s mortgage, any holidays we wish to do, etc, sigh…Sunny MeadeMember@sunny-meadeJoin Date: 2005Post Count: 3
reply to dazzling’s unmotivated partner
thanks guys, read all the posts so far, I too have an unwilling partner, and like ridi, my husband has worked hard all his life, charged minimally for his time, with nothing much to show for it. ok we own our own home but have nothing for the future, for two people in their mid fifties, facing the govt hand out queue in retirement is a worry
I have read both steve’s books and cop comments like what are you reading that junk for, yes his fear and negativity and lack of knowledge and lack of interest is wearying.
Thanks for the boost of confidence
sunny meade / over and outducksterParticipant@ducksterJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 1,674
Dazzling, Try not to be to hard on your partner. It is human nature to spend 110% of your income on instant gratification. To invest in property requires a long term outlook. Maybe you could work out the figures on what the depreciating assets you own will be worth in 5 or 10 years time. Maybe a graph would work better than just figures and then do a graph on what a positive geared investment property would be worth in 5 to 10 years based on a 7% p/a average increase.
You could agree to saving a certain percentage of your income towards property and do the investing yourself.
Also making excuses has more to do with fear of the unknown. Rather than asking why try asking your partner how they feels about property investing.ducksterParticipant@ducksterJoin Date: 2004Post Count: 1,674
Planning and goal setting are important. If you can project a picture of the future where you can afford more things without any problem due to investing in property this may help your cause.hallk9653Member@hallk9653Join Date: 2003Post Count: 3
Upon reading your wife’s lack of motivation in property investing I can sympathise. It was almost a mirror copy of my husband’s disinterest. The only thing is we never have even got remotely close to even looking at any properties let alone buy one. Its all too hard, too busy, too much trouble or just plain ridiculous. Why would anyone want to invest in property or let alone any other financial investment? I spent several months just trying to even raise a spark of interest, but I gave up trying.