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  • Profile photo of SooshieSooshie
    Member
    @sooshie
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 974

    Hiya,

    For those of you with children who know ‘ELMO’

    There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

    The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

    The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

    When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

    At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

    The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday”.

    Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles”.

    [withstupid]

    This one is from actual headlines


    The Year’s Best (actual) Headlines:

    CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR’S DAUGHTER.

    SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS.

    POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS.

    IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS.

    IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

    PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE.

    PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER.

    TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS.

    MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH.

    JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT.

    WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE.

    IF STRIKE ISN’T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE.

    COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES.

    ENFIELD (LONDON) COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE.

    RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES.

    MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE.

    NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP.

    ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT.

    KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS.

    CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY.

    LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF.

    HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS.

    TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD.

    Hope you like them!

    Cheers
    Sooshie [lmao]

    When a problem is created the solution is created simultaneously

    Profile photo of redwingredwing
    Participant
    @redwing
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,733

    [biggrin][biggrin]

    Welcome back Sooshie

    REDWING

    “Money is a currency, like electricity and it requires momentum to make it Effective”

    Profile photo of YoungInvestorYoungInvestor
    Participant
    @younginvestor
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 377

    Haha, great stuff!!!
    Where did you get the headlines from?

    Steve.

    “Knowledge is Power”

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