All Topics / Help Needed! / loss of friends

Viewing 20 posts - 1 through 20 (of 49 total)
  • Profile photo of fitness9457fitness9457
    Member
    @fitness9457
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2

    Hi , as an successful property investor, young and self made over the last 2 -3 years my husband and I have found that(besides starting a new family and the challenges that come along with this)we have lost quite a few friends along the way. Even though this is a natural part of life, I believe that the fact we have developed ourselves personally and financially, alot of people find this threatening. I pick and choose who I tell what we do and have a half true back up story for those I feel can’t cope. I must admit that being almost ‘financially free’ will now lead to better friendships with those we have more in common with. Is anyone else out there feeling the same???

    Profile photo of kay henrykay henry
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    @kay-henry
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,737

    fitness,

    Perhaps the fact that you tell a half-true story to some friends means that you lose them. Perhaps they don’t believe the part that is the half lie.

    You said:

    “I must admit that being almost ‘financially free’ will now lead to better friendships”

    ummm… richer people make better friends? hehe- too funny :o)

    fitness, I am a lesbian, who is into bdsm, and an anarchist who likes property… my friends accept and love me as I am, as do my family.

    I think people like hanging around with people who are authentic and don’t tell them half truths. Then again, some friends are wankas, and probably need to be culled anyway :o)

    kay henry

    Profile photo of Rebecca1Rebecca1
    Member
    @rebecca1
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 100

    Phew, I think Kay’s got it right. In our life, we have the same friends we’ve had for years. Lots of them are as broke or broker than they ever were. Financially, we don’t have a worry in the world, but then we don’t define success by the size of our bank accounts.

    I am not sure how many people know this, but in class the other day it was mentioned that it was only as recently as the 1890s that the word success as defined by the Oxford Dictionary was amended to include a mention of finances.

    Take a look at a lot of the posts on this forum and you’ll see how far we have lost our way. The worst thing about money is how it makes you do things you don’t really want to do. Like become a property loan shark and call yourself an investor.

    Love you Kay.

    Bec

    Profile photo of BillfromozBillfromoz
    Participant
    @billfromoz
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 381

    Hi Kay and Bec…

    Forumites don’t like Authentic people/views/experience
    unless it’s what they want to hear.

    Cheers

    Bill

    Bill O’Mara

    Profile photo of Steve McKnightSteve McKnight
    Keymaster
    @stevemcknight
    Join Date: 2001
    Post Count: 1,750

    Hi,

    I’d have to agree with you fitness.

    For me it is a struggle to mention what I do becuase it places me in a context that a lot of people don’t understand.

    Sadly, friends have come and gone along the way and will no doubt continue to do so. Having said that, other friends have been there well before it started, so there is something even more special.

    In many ways the friends that pass on are as a result of us losing that ‘something in common’, kind of like when high school ends and people move on.

    It’s nothing personal, just a change in interests – like when you have kids and some of your friends remain single… you just gravitate to those friends you have that understand the kidilink issues.

    As for the posts here about half truths etc. Nonsense. It displays a lack of understanding by not living in the situation. I tell people I meet I’m an accountant – I need to do this to provide a context that people can understand.

    It’s not about money… it’s about the way life is.

    Cheers,

    Steve McKnight

    P.S. What is ‘bsdn’?

    **********
    Remember that success comes from doing things differently.
    **********

    Steve McKnight | PropertyInvesting.com Pty Ltd | CEO
    https://www.propertyinvesting.com

    Success comes from doing things differently

    Profile photo of markpatricmarkpatric
    Member
    @markpatric
    Join Date: 2004
    Post Count: 127

    I agree with Kay and Rebecca 100%, it is too easy to become a repulsive type in R/E, I go through stages of investing but always double check my state of mind along the way, you just can`t constantly seek out maximum dollars all your life, you need to get some comfort and find other interests, in fact I would like to buy into some form of business and get right out of it in two years.
    Money is important but good family and friends are far more important and the idea of hanging out with successful types in order to further yourself makes me want to chunder to be blunt about it.[;)]

    PS. bdsm =Buddism??

    Profile photo of redwingredwing
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    @redwing
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,733

    Markpatrick – BDSM- Buddism… Ha ha ha, fell off my chair !!

    Imagine The karma-sutra, no, Buddha in Leathers and a *cracking* a whip and you’ll be getting closer : )

    As for the other part of the post, you’re right,
    you work ‘to’ live
    not
    live ‘to’ work

    Is all about ‘balance’ in your life.. there’s not that much ‘fun’ in Disfunctional !!

    REDWING

    “The man that thinks at 5o as he did when he was 20 has wasted 30 years of his life”

    Profile photo of Still in SchoolStill in School
    Member
    @still-in-school
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 1,844

    Hi Guys,

    ive found honestly, when people do find out you have something, for some reason and very quickly you have fake friends… [V]

    Many of my true good friends, know what i do, and know that property investing is one of my greatest passions, but somewhere along the line, i was taught, its best not to say what you got with people, or with friends you have.

    To be honest, many of my friends and some very close family members, have no idea what i do in my spare time, and just look upon me as a plain simple working student… to me personally and honestly, i much prefer this, than everyone knowing or having any idea.

    Even to this day, nothing with me has really ever changed, i still carry no more than $20 in my wallet at almost all times, still do all the normal things and always trying to make time in catching up with old friends and new people i get to meet. People do change over time, but i guess, if you can learn, to remain the same way, or act the same way, as you meet friends from long ago, you still have healthy, strong friendships and companionships, that could last a life time.

    One thing i do remember, since finishing high school, there were people i saw everyday at school, and were good class mates and friends with them, but the day after we finished, some ive never seen or heard of again. If i could ever go back to those times again, maybe one important thing to me, would have been, to get everyones contact details, so in time, if they wanted to catch up see each other again… we could.

    … but i guess thats life and its a journey, were it takes us places, in were we meet new people and slowly over time, we forget old friend we once knew…

    Cheers,
    sis

    People 4get that by saving just $3 a day & investing it sensibly
    over a working life, you’ll end up with around $1 million

    Profile photo of Mortgage HunterMortgage Hunter
    Participant
    @mortgage-hunter
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 3,781

    On the flip side many people get pretty boring when they catch the property bug. Seems sometimes at parties there are two crowds – those who just want to talk real estate, property values and renovations and those who don’t.

    Perhaps it is like when you have children and your friends change a little to include those who have kids and you drift a little apart from those who aren’t interested in them?

    Cheers,

    Simon Macks
    Mortgage Broker
    [email protected]
    0425 228 985

    Comments may not be relevant to individual circumstances. If you intend making any investment, financial or taxation decision you should consult a professional adviser.

    Profile photo of ErikaErika
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    @erika
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 151

    Hi fitness
    I think in life you do tend to gravitate toward like people. We have very close friends that we discuss many things with and then we have other people who dont even know we own property. My current job is as a share trader and PI but to most of the people at school I am a stay at home mum. I think most people arnt interested in finance or they just have a general winge about not having enough money. We move around often and are continually having to make new freinds but it is only a few of them that will be freinds for life.
    Dont dispare about losing old friends there are always new ones to be found.
    SIS try schoolfriends.com.au for all those long lost souls.

    Erika

    Profile photo of Still in SchoolStill in School
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    @still-in-school
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 1,844

    Thanks Erika,

    been on that site for awhile, only problem is, only a few people from high school are registered on it, and still, thats only a small handful, though one day… look heaps forward, if they do have a high school reunion… just cant wait till that day to catch up with some old friends…

    Cheers,
    sis

    People 4get that by saving just $3 a day & investing it sensibly
    over a working life, you’ll end up with around $1 million

    Profile photo of diclemdiclem
    Member
    @diclem
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 537

    Hi Guys,
    I think being an investor “scares” some people. My and my hubby’s immediate family are what you could call non-believers. I don’t have my property investing books on display, some of the titles even make me cringe, years of negative programming I guess.
    I am in the process of changing my own mindset to believe that I can achieve, I can be successful and it’s ok to WANT to be financially well off.
    We bought a neg geared IP a few years ago (since sold for a nice CG) and when our parents heard about the purchase, they totally stressed out, you’d think we’d told them we had a terminal illness….
    Just some thoughts,
    Sue [:)]

    “Be careful not to step on the flowers when you’re reaching for the stars”

    Profile photo of Elysium-MElysium-M
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    @elysium-m
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 259

    Hi Billfromoz,

    I know that this is more an opinionated post than something that fits into the “Help Needed” category, but I just wanted to ask some questions.

    The impression I get from your post is that it’s aimed at particular forumites. Why is it a problem not to like what somebody else is saying?

    Isn’t the notion of a free society meant to give you the freedom to hold or reject a certain view as you see fit?

    For example, Bec absolutely hates wrapping, and while I hold such a more moderate (I admit some would say sitting on the fence) view on the issue (which has been previously aired in the Wraps forum) and don’t agree with her, I respect her right to hold those views.

    My approach in these cases is simply to accept that others may have drastically different views from me. I don’t have to like or accept those views, and in certain cases don’t like people who hold certain views, but I respect their right to hold those views, as long as those views are not likely to harm my personal interests (such as promoting defamatory statements about me).

    Like kay, I’m going to keep on living my life the way I want to. My friends accept this. If anyone who doesn’t like it, too bad (If I print the two-word phrase which is what I really mean for those last two words, it’ll get edited).

    Of course, you don’t have to accept my view. But why can’t we have mutual respect for one another?

    Cheers
    Elysium-M

    DIY Residential Property Settlements in WA – the book coming soon! When I can get my act together…

    Profile photo of aussierogueaussierogue
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    @aussierogue
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 983

    must admit i agree with fitness and 100 pct with steve.

    if your growth personally and financially is different to your family, friends and peers it can be a difficult thing for them to handle.

    once i understood this i learnt to manage my relationships better.

    i reckon steves reply was spot on….

    Profile photo of kay henrykay henry
    Member
    @kay-henry
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,737

    I think some of the replies relate to the tone of the original post. If someone had have asked about friends feeling alienated from people who have made $$$ through property, then I am sure we all might have been able to contribute stories about how we felt uncomfortable discussing buying or selling IP’s to friends/family who were not in the position to do so.

    But sometimes we have to look at our own situation and how we might be contributing to our situations. And let’s face it… nouveau riche people can sometimes be fairly over the top about wealth. And the purchase of 23 properties in 2-3 years is a *lot* of new money! :o)

    Sometimes it might not be about how much money we have, but the effect on us that our newfound wealth might have.

    kay henry

    Profile photo of aussierogueaussierogue
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    @aussierogue
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 983

    kay – i agree. the tone is a bit of a worry. especially the bit about ‘better’ friendships because you are financially free.

    Profile photo of SooshieSooshie
    Member
    @sooshie
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 974

    Hiya,

    What’s your definition of ‘friend’?
    True friends …. How many can you count on your fingers (include toes if you like)?

    Cheers
    Soosh :)

    <span style=”color:green”><em><strong>When a problem is created the solution is created simultaneously</strong></em></span id=green>

    Profile photo of aussierogueaussierogue
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    @aussierogue
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 983

    a true friend is someone who listens to me when i talk about property. otherwise they can go jump!

    Profile photo of dr frankdr frank
    Member
    @dr-frank
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 6

    I don’t understand how you can lose friends because you are beging successful or whatever. Either you are being a friend to your friends or you are not. I find it hard to believe people would judge your money or your choice of employment if you are being true to the friendship. Perhaps it is your attitude that is turning people off. Anyone is boring if all they are interested in is the sound of their own voice (excuse the cliche). I think you need to spend more time being a friend and less time crapping on about your money/life style etc. Get over yourself!!

    Profile photo of elveselves
    Member
    @elves
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 507

    “True friends are like diamonds precious and rare, bad friends like autumn leaves, found everywhere…”

    and I love walking thru the leaves in autumn…LOL

    dont know who wrote it.

    or you can put, to be upset over what you don’t have is to lose what you do have….

    I posted elsewhere about keeping perspective and all that….we might move on, we might limit the information we have to those we feel either have earnt it, or deserve it in some way, those we feel dont, it might be trust, or simply not their business. I dont consider it half thruths.

    Has anyone on here, avoided telling the full story? yep betcha…and not because of lies either.

    I have lots of acquaintences, and very few friends, i am selective, nope it has nothing to do with property or money, or status or education…….its about the person.

    cheers everyone

    Elves

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