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  • Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    Post Count: 1,501

    quote:


    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?



    They named him Sum Ting Wong.

    [:P]

    Profile photo of ArtyArty
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    @arty
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 884

    at least thats better than “Willie Stroker” !!

    There is a JPG going around of a USA news reporter called that….. LOL [:D][:D][:D]

    Regards,
    Arty.

    [:)]
    “Why work to the age where you cant enjoy
    what you have worked for !.” (Author: Me)

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    quote:


    at least thats better than “Willie Stroker” !!



    [:P][:P][:)]

    One of my friend surname is “BUTT”

    [:D][:D]

    Profile photo of melbearmelbear
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    @melbear
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 2,429

    Me too Poltergeist!! Her first name was also Melanie, so when we had classes together at school we sat next to each other! I don’t think the teachers were ever too thrilled though.

    Although it did make it easier for them when they wanted to tell us both off![:I]

    Cheers
    Mel

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    quote:


    Although it did make it easier for them when they wanted to tell us both off!


    *******Ms Butt******[8D]*******Mr Butt**********

    [:P]
    When ever I try to talk about his surname he just change topic But didn’t change surname [:0)]

    Profile photo of muppetmuppet
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    @muppet
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 900

    Come on guys buttttttttt offfffffff.

    Regards

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    quote:


    no comment!


    [}:)][:O]

    quote:


    Come on guys buttttttttt offfffffff.


    Muppet this question for you what is difference between you and superman??[:)][:)]

    Others also can answer… [;)][;)]

    [^]

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    So no one knows whats the difference between man and superman??
    [:P][:P]

    [:)]
    PropertyGuRu

    Profile photo of ArtyArty
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    @arty
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 884

    superman wears his undies on the outside and “most” men wear theirs on the inside !!>..

    [:D][:D][:D]

    Regards,
    Arty.

    [:)]
    “Why work to the age where you cant enjoy
    what you have worked for !.” (Author: Me)

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    Arty I give you another star for that. [:)]

    [:)]
    PropertyGuRu

    Profile photo of EcclesEccles
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    @eccles
    Join Date: 2003
    Post Count: 69

    quote:


    Hi Poltergeist

    Gee you get some very interesting junk mail. Mine keep trying to enlarge my whatsit.


    I get the same ones and I am not even male Go figure must have visited the same website[}:)]Just Jokes!!!!! Kinda[;)]

    Bronwen

    If the good die young then I will live forever

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    Did you get this one also Bronwen…
    ****************
    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
    be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was
    the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English
    spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year
    phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

    In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make
    sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”.
    This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
    troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like
    fotograf 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to
    reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
    will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
    deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
    the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

    By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with
    “z” and “w” with “v”.

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords containing “ou”
    and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
    mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
    Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

    [:)]
    PropertyGuRu

    Profile photo of muppetmuppet
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    Post Count: 900

    Hi Poltergeist

    I posted this a few weeks ago. Stop cheating

    Regards

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    @propertyguru
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    Post Count: 1,501

    Sorry muppet it’s was in my junk mail..you must have sent me ..[:P][:P]
    another one..I just got these in my mails..

    Lebanese Resume

    NAME: OneSik Habib

    SEX: No Worries! U know wot they say: Get Sum Lebanese Between Ya Knees!.

    DESIRED POSITION: i go for Canterbury so it would have to be Doggy style.

    DESIRED SALARY:$250,000 a year plus a CRX with

    sub-woofers instead of a backseat. Or CASH money under the table!

    EDUCATION: Nah. wot for? this is aportos – not a skool.

    LAST POSITION HELD:Fullback for ST Johns Lakemba.

    SALARY: Nah cuz! i hate all vegtables.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: once i full picked up 4 chicks at Cave bro. so
    did
    my cuzin Khaled. they wanted us bad bro.

    REASON FOR LEAVING:All in brawl

    HOURS AVALABLE TO WORK:Work?? who said anyfink about

    work??

    PREFERRED HOURS:Thursday night/Saturday and Sunday anytime

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Bro, being a lebo IS a special skill leh

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:Nah, but here’s my parole officers
    number 0417435211

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
    TO 15Kgs?:My dad’s got sum back problem and i fink it might run in da
    family

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:Yeah, ya want one bro? full lowered and everyfink! its
    fully LAJIT

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I came first in skool
    for “MOST SICK DAYS TAKEN” (I was fully sik, and still am)

    DO YOU SMOKE?: Nah but i know heaps of suppliers!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:I‘d like to be doing Britney
    Spears, actually i’d like to be doing her now!

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?:Swear to god bro, wallah.

    SIGN HERE: Gemini

    [:)]
    PropertyGuRu

    Profile photo of wattowatto
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    @watto
    Join Date: 2002
    Post Count: 48

    I posted this one sometime ago and still wet myself with laughter everytime i read it….

    quote:



    G’day all,

    Thought some might get a chuckle from these…..

    Apparently these are from actual Performance Evaluations, there are some absolute crackers in here.

    “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”

    “I would not allow this employee to breed.”

    “This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more
    of a definite won’t be.”

    “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
    like a rat in a trap.”

    “When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet.”

    “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”

    “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

    “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
    to achieve them.”

    “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
    idiot.”

    “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”

    “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it
    all together.”

    “A gross ignoramus 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

    “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”

    “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

    “He’s been working with glue too much.”

    “He would argue with a signpost.”

    “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

    “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

    “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

    “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

    “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”

    “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

    “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

    “He’s got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it”

    “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

    “If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get
    change.”

    “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

    “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

    “One neuron short of a synapse.”

    “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only
    gargled.”

    “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.”

    “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

    cheers
    watto

    Posted – 12/09/2003 : 9:52:43 PM

    quote:



    cheers
    watto

    Profile photo of EcclesEccles
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    @eccles
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    Post Count: 69

    A man dies and he goes to hell/

    Anyway he is greeted by satan who slaps him cheerfully on the back and says:

    “Mate do ya like drinking?”

    The man understandably nervous nods his head and the devil laughs “Well then you are going to love Mondays. You drink till you think you can’t drink anymore and then you drink some more. I mean you can’t die from liver failure can you?”

    The man is surprised and agrees with the devil.

    The devil then asks

    “Do you like to eat?”

    The man agrees yes he likes to eat.

    “Well then you’ll like Tuesdays, Tuesdays you are fed gourmet food, fast food delicious desserts until you could burst, no heart failure down here!”

    The man is starting to relax and the devil asks

    “Do you like to smoke?”

    The man grins and says “Oh yeah”

    “We have the best cigarettes and the best cigars…no filters either who cares about lung cancer! Wednesday is the day. What about drugs? Do you do drugs cos Thursday is for drugs and if you don’t do them now why not start now?”

    “What about fridays?” asks the man.” He is relaxed and confident Hell is not going to be so bad he thinks, drink, drugs,good food. Where is the punishment?

    The devil smiles and replies “Friday is for women…You can have unprotected sex with who ever you like whenever you like how many times you like. Whatever your preference whether it is big and heavy or slender and lithe, blonde brunette we have it.”

    The man can’t believe it how can this be hell this is marvellous. The devil interupts the mans musings “Do you like to have sex with men?”

    The man recoils in horror “No Way” he yells “HOw disgusting!””

    The devil smiles a bone chilling smile “well then Saturdays are going to be a REAL problem for you!”

    Bronwen

    If the good die young then I will live forever

    Profile photo of PropertyGuruPropertyGuru
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    A businessman decided to take the afternoon off and got home
    about 3o’clock in the afternoon. The house was quiet,and he went
    upstairs and opened the bedroom door. His wife was in bed, and there
    was a strange man lying on top of her with his head between her breasts.
    ‘What the hell are you doing?’ he shouted.The man looked up
    and said, ‘I’m listening to the music.’ ‘WhatMusic?’ said the husband,
    and he leaned over and put his ear to his wife’s chest.
    ‘I can’t hear any music,’ he said suspiciously.
    ‘Ofcourse you can’t,’ said the stranger. ‘You’re not plugged in.

    #######################################
    Q: What’s the difference between Biology and Sociology?
    A: When the baby look like the father, its Biology.
    When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology!

    [:P]

    [:)]
    PropertyGuRu

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