Ken
you have asked me to comment on so many points but i’m sure other formumites aren’t interested in our debating marriage and the personal foibles of mankind.While you make some very valid points, You place extremely high expectations on people. I’d say unrealistic expectations because you believe people can change their basic natures. People ARE selfish. There ARE conditions to love. But i assume you are coming from a fundamentalist christian view point that I don’t share.
There are probably people reading yr posts and soaking up the good advice but there are divorced people reading this that are offended by the implicataion of failure.
I have to wonder how long yu have been married and how much you’re marriage has been tested. Can you and your wife get back to me in 30 yrs? Or perhaps you could write a book describing your successful marriage.
we are never going to agree so I’ll not bore other formumites further since we have detoured from teh original thread. Therefore if you wish to continue I will reply in private.
all the best
millyHi Kenkoh, I discovered that you replied to my post.
I just want to give you my opinion of the “unconditional love” thing- at the risk of being lost along the detour, hehe.I do think that unconditional love is basically a myth- most people are not able to love unconditionally.
You say that “true marriage is never meant to end up in dirvorce in the first place, has it been properly founded on the strong foundation of unconditional love in the first placeâ€.
Exactly- marriage is not meant to end up in divorce, but the reality is, that most do end up in divorce and that people have no idea of what unconditional love really is.
“Why do partners wander away? Simply because not all the needs are properly satisfied by the other partner within the marriage/couple context.â€True!
People confuse unconditional love with ‘need’. People, at a certain stage of their lives, might ‘need’ some qualities the other has to offer. But later they may grow and change and they might need different things now. They were co-depending at some point; when their needs change they may not be able to depend on each other for their different needs anymore.
Unconditionally loving someone, in my opinion, means that you give to each other without any conditions or restrictions attached. It is totally free- yet it is always there. It means that you love, respect and accept all character traits in each other, that you love and respect the other person for who they are.
This kind of love is hard to find- if you do you may want to cage it into marriage, which, at that point, restricts that love, because it is a free love that cannot be trapped, and therefore the ‘unconditional love’ evaporates.The thing is that everyone wants to receive unconditional love[inlove], but, unfortunately, hardly anyone is able to give it.[glum2]
Celivia
we are never going to agree so I’ll not bore other formumites further since we have detoured from teh original thread. Therefore if you wish to continue I will reply in private.Excellent idea Milly.
Either the topic gets back on track to something remotely related to property investing or I will truly truly truly lock it up.
I don’t know if this tale will help your question or not – but here’s what happened to me.
I had my own properties before I got married. He had only one run-down thing that he lived in. We got married and built the ‘dream family home’. He promised right from day one that he was never interested in taking what was already mine before we even met. I trusted him and no mention of pre-nup entered into it. Of course, we were never going to break up.
But we did.
Then he got nasty. Three court battles later and I **eventually** got back what was mine before we met, plus 50% of the equity in the dream family home. Some bright spark mentioned that we should have just split everything 50/50 and moved on. Wrong. I’d spent 10 years building my own safety net. I wasn’t going to hand it over just because we weren’t staying married. Unfortunately, it cost me a huge amount in legal fees.
Now I’m divorced and happily investing alone with my own properties again and my own money – but now I’ve met someone with just as much as I have.
We’re both cynical and fearful of the other becoming nasty financially if something goes wrong.
Does pre-nup come into it? No.
What it comes down to is the fact that I can prove that my properties were my own before we met and his properties were his before we met. Those things remain untouched – even in court.
Should we buy or build a joint family home – well of course that would become dividable 50/50 in the event that something goes wrong. As would any other asset bought jointly from this point onward.
Just my two cents
LeaYour probably sick of this by now but thought I would list this anyway two books look good “Shacking up: a smart girls gyide to living in sin without getting burned” and Living together A legal gyide for unmarried couples” I checked and they’re both avail on Amazon.
Fern
So, from a real-estate point of view… if you really want to protect your ‘valuables’, then…
The BEST Solution is:
Honour the Marriage Covenent!
A legal contract can always be broken or renegotiated with good lawyers.
But a Covenant is for life! Till death do you part. Love your spouse for life!
Pre-nups & DeFacto relationships are a sure sign that you don’t take your relationship serious, or you don’t or won’t commit to the Covenant aspect – it demonstrates clearly your expectations. What you expect is what you will get.
Personally, I expect to be married for life. I expect to love my wife, even when I don’t think she deserves it. I expect that my wife and I enjoy this journey of Real Estate Investing together!
I know that what I expect, and work hard for, will become a reality for me.
There are quite a few rich single men where I live. What age and attributes do you require?
Are you happy to live in the middle of nowhere, 45 degree heat in Summer. Alternatively the new rich man could do fly in fly out and you could live in the City.Ha Ha
Deb
Yes it’s a tricky topic and most entertaining .
The very act of wanting a Pre Nup does note bode well for an impending Marriage .
Nothing can stop the Family Court going wherever it likes , even in to the most brilliantly set up Trust…. more power than the Tax Office when they’re in the mood .
The concept of “Family” being the building block for our good old western society certainly is a very powerful one .
Cheers then ,
MMLV
I never thought I would say this ..but if I had my time again I would protect myself. I am in the process of Divorce and it is an ugly sad thing, but Iwas one of the people who thought it would never end we had 30 years together then he hit middle age and wanted to party………he gambled away evrything we had financially and now wants me out of the home which wouldnt exist if not for me buying the first one and then holding onto it by hard work because his money went to gambling. You may be in love now, and I still love him even now, but he wants to destroy me. Nothing is certain, I say look after No 1.
Ms.K.Holman
I’m about to be married and wouldn’t want a financial agreement, what we have now is reasonably equal monetry wise and more importantly we are both very responsible with money.
This thread is sad though that all that can be created together becomes nasty if eventually things become sour for someone about to be married[ohno2]
still don’t know what i don’t know
For unmarried relationships have a look at:
Property (Relationships) Act 1984 (NSW)
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